A voice for the voiceless

Lately, I've developed a tendency to defend mainstream pop music in the face of jaded hipster masses. No, I don't do it for irony, the traditional rally cry for such obvious populist causes these days. While in the past I have condemned pop music and dug myself deeper and deeper into my indie hole, recently I've discovered the great disposability of pop music and feel at home within it. So after my near constant rants in favor of the latest Fall Out Boy record Infinity on High, I turn to defend Fountains of Wayne and their latest offering Traffic and Weather. The plaintiff in this instance would be Matt LeMay and his rather embarrassing display of "music criticism" for Pitchfork Media.

His "review" comes in the now famous Pitchfork template. Simply use a few hundred words total, but only bother to start discussing the album in question somewhere around the halfway mark, that is if you bother mentioning it at all. Making sense or providing any insight is optional. The numerical rating, all important to the target reader, (read: 'tell me what to buy at insound.com so all my friends will think i'm cool!') must be awarded arbitrarily, and any explanation is simply extraneous information. Obviously I could go on ad nauseum and I'd only be blogger #124812738291748956 to gripe about the might PFM. The issue at hand, however, is that Pitchfork has been criticized a ton in the last few years for picking on soft targets, and I can't think of one easier than Fountains of Wayne. That's where I coming from today.

Mr LeMay, when he does actually get around to discussing Traffic and Weather, resorts to blanket accusations that don't really make sense. Mr LeMay makes it perfectly clear that he doesn't quite understand a main tenant of power-pop:

"Apparently, they've taken the song's (Stacy's Mom) success to heart; at its best, Traffic and Weather sounds like a collection of big-hook choruses strung together with half-hearted chugging build-ups."

Choruses are the bread and butter of power-pop. I thought everyone knew this. As esteemed power-popper Tommy Marolda attests in his brilliant sugar-coated manifesto "Hook," the hook, the chorus, the part that will be stuck in your head and you'll have instantly memorized is the most important part of a good pop song. If you have a good hook, you get a pass. "This part coming up is what you're waiting for, the line that's going to bring you to record store." And this album has those hooks.

In Traffic and Weather's finest moments, Fountains of Wayne hit on all cylinders. The lead single, "Someone to Love," one of the three tracks LeMay manages to mention in his 540 words, sets a tone of 70s Cars-inspired pop sleaziness that will pervade throughout most of the album, including one of the album's stand-outs, "Strapped for Cash." "'92 Subaru," another one of the tracks LeMay lambasts as "a remake of Adam Sandler's 'Piece of Shit Car'" boasts one of the best arena rocking middle 8's I've heard in a long time. "Revolving Dora" sounds like Steely Dan, while "Hotel Majestic" boasts ecstatic and strong synth chops. "I-95" effectively evokes the essence of an epic 80s monster ballad all the while keeping the trademark Fountains of Wayne heart-on-sleeve-tongue-firmly-in-cheek. They're not doing anything new here, but the FoW boys are getting it done.

LeMay opens his piece admitting that no one cares about the band's lyrics don't matter, but then appears to hold it against them when they don't say anything of substance. I can't believe anyone would whine about the lyrics on this album, especially compared to their older work.Their lyrics are actually decidedly funnier and more effective on this album than prior outings.

Case in point, "New Routine" is Fountains of Wayne at their finest and one of the best pop songs of 2007, hands down. The song concerns a waitress fed up with her job who compulsively moves to Liechtenstein despite the fact she "doesn't speak German only high school Spanish." Quickly she decides, "there's nothing going on except for banking and skiing." It's stupid and silly, but ultimately an entertainingly cute story, extremely passable compared to the likes of "Stacey's Mom." For fitting Liechtenstein and Bowling Green into a huge pop song filled to the brim with hooks, the boys deserve plaudits, not criticism.

The most infuriating thing about this review is the fact that had Mr LeMay actually listened to the album, he would have more than enough to criticize the band for. He did mention "Planet of Weed" which is unlistenable shit, but if anything, the band should be criticized for sounding like a Ben Folds d-side on the dreadful "Yolanda Hayes" or "Michael and Heather at the Baggage Claim" which falls way short of the standard "Hackensack" set on Welcome Interstate Managers for ballads. The title track is pretty poor, as well, a "Taxman" inspired sleazy romp that can't quite find the hooks to overcome its painfully bad lyrics.

Personally, I would have awarded the record somewhere around a 7-7.5. Not a fantastic record, but it deserves better than the treatment it got and despite a few awful tracks, it's very consistent. It sounds like Mr LeMay was phoning it in and against the defenseless Fountains of Wayne, well out of their scene on an indie music e-zine, who was to stop him? It's irresponsible music journalism at its best. Pitchfork has been guilty of picking off these easy targets forever, and its embarrassing.

To be catty, many of LeMay's criticism could be lobbied against his own band, Get Him Eat Him. Unlike Fountains of Wayne, those guys actually have a leg to stand on in the indie world, but PFM will never turn their sights to pick on someone remotely their size. Get Him Eat Him, though I do enjoy them, are another indie rock band that rides on choruses, have their own share of terrible lyrics, and are apparently content ride the scene (LeMay's tie to PFM, the dude from Beirut playing trumpet on their upcoming record, the D-Plan's Jason Caddell producing, etc.) to "success."At least Fountains of Wayne have always had the decency to drop any pretension and simply make enjoyable pop music.

Fountains of Wayne - "New Routine" (from Traffic and Weather)